Joy Challenge - Having a hard time finding joy this week.

(Warning: This is quite the ramble of a post.)

I know I said I would participate in the December Joy Challenge this month. I had so much fun participating in the November Gratitude Challenge and thought I would do good at the December challenge too. When it started I was really, truly looking forward to the challenge.

It's just not happening for me the past few days. I'm just not feeling the joy this week and having a hard time with coming up with anything to write about.

I'm feeling really tired, busy, and overwhelmed with Christmas coming up. All I ever want to do each Christmas season is just sit back and relax and enjoy this time of year, and all I ever feel like I'm doing year after year is rushing and trying to play catch up and keep everyone happy.

We got most of the outside of our home decorated the past three days. I just have a few finishing touches to complete outside. I still have the entire inside of the house to decorate before my ornament party on Thursday, plus cooking to do for the party, and I have bunco on Tuesday night so I feel like I don't have much time to get everything done. My house is a mess. I feel like I need to clean it up before I can even start to mess it up with bins of Christmas stuff.

I'm really bummed with the news I got this week that we missed again on starting our family. I allowed my mind to build my hopes up, only to have them crushed again. Why do I do that to myself? I'm sure it doesn't help that I've been off the progesterone supplements for about 4 days now and once again I've felt my attitude plummet from feeling great and happy to a low again. It's the same cycle over and over again. Tiring, so very tiring.

I've never felt better in years that I have in the two weeks each month since September that I've been on progesterone supplements due to our fertility issues. I asked the doctor about being on a small does all the time, and he didn't agree that it would be helpful to me. Ugh! I feel like a hormonal freakin' mess! I've never cried so much at the drop of a hat as I have this year and it sucks! I'm tired of being an emotional mess. I'm tired of the lows.

So anyway, my point is, I'm in no mood to try and pretend that I'm joyful this week. I'm tired, I'm overwhelmed, I'm frustrated, and most of all I'm ready for a new year. I'm ready for a new me because I don't like the me I've become in the past year or so.

I can only hope that next year will turn out better than this year. I can only hope that I will have the strength and courage to make the changes in me that I need to make to make myself happier and that in turn I will be a more pleasant person for my DH and the rest of my family to live with.

'Cause believe me, I haven't exactly been a ball of joy to live with this year, and I really want to be a ball of joy to live with. I want to have fun and love life and be that person that everybody wants to hang out with. I want to truly believe that everything in life will be OK, even if I don't get what I wish for so desperately. I want to be the person my DH first married, who had goals, personal aspirations, and dreams of a better life and really truly believed it would come true. I want to be that person again who can easily keep up the house duties, get dinner cooked, keep organized, and still be energetic and fun to be around. I've lost that person in recent years and I want her back.

So for now until I decided I feel inspired enough to find joy in my life this month and write about it I'm out of this challenge for the month. If I feel inspired I will write, but I don't think I'll be making an entry every day as I did in November. :-(

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Dec. 4, 2008 - December Joy Challenge Day 2

Tonight I found joy in finishing up a craft project I've been working on for my ScrapShare Secret Santa. How appropriate for this challenge, it just happens to be a Christmas themed "J-O-Y" altered letter wall hanging.

I love crafting, but it is not something I allow myself to do very often. I always look around my house and see all the everyday tasks that I am behind in and I usually end up talking myself out of getting involved in a craft project because there are more important tasks that need my attention and I know that crafting can become time consuming.

This type of thinking is something I've recently tried to change. Now that I have my own scrap & craft room set up, I have been trying more often to just allow myself "me time" and the opportunity to go in that room a little each week and work on projects that are fun. I know that being creative is something important in my life that I need to do for myself and my sanity. I love that I am able to give myself my needed me time more often now without feeling like I'm making bigger messes in my house now that I have my scrap & craft room. I finally have all of my craft and scrap supplies neatly organized and available in one spot in the house. I've been dreaming of that for years.

It took having new carpet installed in my house in July and having to completely move out all furniture and belongings that were touching carpet out of our house to get me motivated to turn my spare bedroom (formally our disaster of a storage area) into my scrap & craft room.

Now I can easily find all of my craft supplies in one quick glance. I didn't actually work on my altered "Joy" project in my scrap & craft room tonight, because I had it out in my dining room from working on it last week while my niece was crafting with me, however it was so nice to be sitting there working on my project and whenever I needed an item I could just run into my scrap room and find it right away without having to dig through disorganized bags or piles of stuff. It was so nice after I was finished tonight to be able to grab my supplies and walk in to that room knowing that had an organized place to put away each one of the items.

I love that I can walk down my hall and look in that room now with pride in the way it looks and be proud to realize that it is also functional now, rather than being a useless waste of space it once was filled with disorganized possessions and yard sale junk.

I find so much joy in having my own little space in the house that is all mine where I can go be creative as I make things for both myself and for others.

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Dec 3, 2008 - December Joy Challenge Day 1

I love the month of December, being the month we celebrate Christmas and all it means. It is a month I look forward to all year long.

Growing up my mother always went out of her way and worked her tail feathers off to decorate our home to the max for Christmas. Our home was always beautiful and festive inside and out. I absolutely loved being surrounded by the joyful and brightly colored Christmas decorations and lights each year. We lived in the country and our house and our next door neighbor's house were know in our rural area for our outside decorations.


I always knew that someday when I lived on my own I would want to decorate my house to the max for Christmas each year just as my mom did. I could only hope that I would marry someone who felt the same way, and luckily I did. Greg also grew up in a house with a mom who loves to decorate for the season and he too had a love of Christmas and decorating. We were (are) a perfect match.

Since we first got married seven years ago we have built up quite the collection of decorations. I have a garage full of several extra large storage tubs filled with nothing but Christmas lights and decor for both the inside and outside of our home and a shelf filled with decorations that are too big to fit in the storage boxes.

I adore transforming the inside and outside of our home into a Christmas wonderland full of festive brightly colored decorations and twinkle lights. Although it is a lot of work I love helping Greg get the outside of our home decorated and set up. I get giddy just waiting for that moment when everything is set up and in place and we can flip the switch to turn on our Christmas lights for the season.

Our house is one of the most brightly lit houses in our neighborhood and I get the biggest thrill out of seeing cars slow as they pass to take in our Christmas lights display.

This week I'm set to dig into my numerous boxes of Christmas decorations and get my house all decked out for the season. I have to have it ready for my ornament exchange party on the 11th. Considering it usually takes me a good 3 days of solid work to get it decorated, I'm ready to get moving. Tomorrow I will get out in the yard with Greg and help him get the outside lights set up. My nephew will come by tomorrow afternoon and get the lights up along our roof. His skinny little buns can get up on our roof and have them up in half the time it takes me to move along on the ladder to string them, so for the last few years we have hired him for that important job.


I'm like a giddy little kid waiting in line to see Santa Claus. I cannot wait until our house is completely decorated inside and out and I can sit back for the rest of the month and enjoy the colorful and cheerful display both inside and out.

It is one of the things that makes me happiest throughout the year and one of the things I love the most about the Christmas season.

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