Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Feeling Sad and Defeated Today

As so many of you know, my DH and I have been trying for 3 years now to get pregnant and start our family. We've had to live through two early miscarriages and countless months of trying only to be disappointed month after stinkin' month.

This past year we have been seeing a fertility doctor to seek help with our fertility struggles. Early this summer I found out that I had a Dermoid cyst on my left ovary. In August I had it surgically removed. Going in to surgery I was told that there was a chance that my ovary would not be saved. I was so scared going in to that surgery that I would loose my left ovary and be left with only my right one.

Thankfully, my surgery in August went great. My cyst was removed and my ovary was saved. My doctor was also able to perform a dye test of my fallopian tubes and determine that I had no blockages.

I spent August taking the time to recover from surgery and getting excited about being ready to move on to our next opportunity to try at getting pregnant again. Before my surgery my doctor suggested that I might benefit from using the medication Clomid to help me produce more eggs during ovulation, therefore giving DH's little guys a better shot at finding an egg they liked. I also seem to have an issue with low progesterone after ovulation, so my doctor also prescribed progesterone to help increase my levels after I ovulate.

I was feeling so hopeful and positive that this was going to be the month that things would work out right for DH and I in the baby making department. I was so sure! Even DH said he felt really positive about things this month.

I've spent the past two weeks, like I have every other freakin' month, impatiently waiting, trying my best to eat really well, suffering through headaches and allergies because I didn't want to take any medications and mess something up only to be disappointed once again!

How much more of this can I take? How many more times do I have to beg the Lord to answer my prayers? I refuse to give up yet, absolutely REFUSE, but sometimes I wonder how many more times can I go through this type of disappointment.

We are good people. We may not be rich, but we would give a child a great home and an upbringing filled with love, morals, positive values and faith in God. I know I would be a good mom, and my DH a good dad. We would be great parents and we love kids.

We still have one more chance to try what we did this month and if it does not work then we will take the next medical step.

I just keep praying for a miracle so that I don't have to take that next step, and I pray for the strength to keep forging ahead.

5 comments:

Michele said...

I am sorry to hear you guys are still struggling with having a child. It will happen as you guys will be great parents! Dont give up!!

Sarah said...

I have faith that God has a plan for you!! Have you guys ever thought about adopting? I know a lot of people who have done that after going thru the same thing as you. Keep hope as it will happen in due time.

Cyn M said...

Cathy, I am just like you - except my infertility is SECONDARY infertility! I have been blessed with one child - a wonderful son. I feel your pain - we have been trying 2 years and 8 months.
Keep the faith!
Prayers headed your way!

Lisa said...

You've been tagged!

Amanda said...

Big Huggs CATHY!!!! Just think, this means you don't have to eat healthy at the retreat ;-) I love you hunny... keep trying and keep the faith.